The Greatest Characters from Kevin Smith


Kevin Smith is the king of Geekdom and all things funny, and his flair for creating some of the best and most memorable characters in his films is legendary. While his characters are often reoccurring throughout his films, Kev is able to create characters that we all know and love and can’t get enough of.

One of the coolest things about Kev’s films, especially within the “View Askewneverse” is the reoccurring nature of his key characters and actors. The characters below are perfect examples of some of these characters.

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Should you want to find more from the genius that is the hockey jersey wearing Kevin Smith, check out Smodcast for all you can handle, and check out the trailer for his latest upcoming flick Yoga Hosers here.


RANDALL GRAVES

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PLAYED BY: 
Jeff Anderson
APPEARED IN: Clerks, Clerks II

The over excited and under achieving clerk from  both installments of the Clerks films is the king of both the one liners and full on stories, and generally is the instigator of all issues in both movies.

MEMORABLE QUOTES:
“Hermaphroditic porn. Starlets with both organs. You should see the box. Beautiful chicks with dicks that put mine to shame.”

“Hey, I’m a firm believer in the philosophy of a ruling class, especially since I rule.”

“This job would be great if it wasn’t for the fucking customers.”

 


DANTE HICKS

 

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PLAYED BY: Brian O’Halloran
APPEARED IN: Clerks, Clerks II

The down and out, and always negative clerk Dante, played by Brian O’Halloran contributes to the overall negativity of both films, always bringing himself and others down due to his situation in life. Dante is most definitely the Yin to Randall’s Yang,

MEMORABLE QUOTES:
“I’m not even supposed to be here today”

“I’m stuck in this pit, working for less than slave wages. Working on my day off, the goddamn steel shutters are closed, I deal with every backward ass fuck on the planet. I smell like shoe polish. My ex-girlfriend is catatonic after fucking a dead guy. And my present girlfriend has sucked 36 dicks.”

 

 

 

BRODIE BRUCE

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PLAYED BY: Jason Lee
APPEARED IN: Mallrats, Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back

Easily the most stand out character in Mallrats, Jason Lee’s portrayal of Brodie is fuckin hilarious! Lee also played Banky in Chasing Amy & Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back as well as Lance Dowds.

MEMORABLE QUOTES:
“Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned for Sega”

“You’re gonna listen to me? To something I said? Jesus, man, hasn’t it become abundantly clear during the tenure of our friendship that I don’t know shit? I mean, half the time I’m just talking out of my ass, or sticking my hand in it.”

“Say, would you like a chocolate covered pretzel”

 

HOLDEN MCNEIL

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PLAYED BY: Ben Affleck
APPEARED IN: Chasing Amy, Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back

The future Dark Knight acted as Shannon Hamilton in Smith’s Mallrats early in his film career, and came back for more playing roles in Chasing Amy, Dogma Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back and Clerks 2, and it is rumored he will return for more Mallrats actions.

MEMORABLE QUOTES:
“Why in God’s name would I wanna keep writing about characters whose central preoccupation are weed and dick and fart jokes? I mean, ya gotta grow man. Don’t you ever want anything more for yourself? I know this poor hapless son of a bitch does. I look into his sorry doe eyes and I just, I see a man crying out. He’s crying out, “When Lord? When the fuck can your servant ditch this foul-mouthed little chucklehead to whom I am a constant victim of his folly, so much so that it prevents him from ever getting to kiss a girl! Fuck! When, Lord when? WHENS GONNA BE MY TIME?”

“Have you ever heard a nun call an eight year-old boy a fucking cunt rag?”


 

THE METATRON

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PLAYED BY: Alan Rickman
APPEARED IN: Dogma

Played by the late, great, legendary actor Alan Rickman, his acting as The Metatron is Dogma was an epic performance in a career the spanned decades and included some of the most legendary screen characters.

MEMORABLE QUOTES:
“Tell a person that you’re the Metatron and they stare at you blankly. Mention something out of a Charlton Heston movie and suddenly everybody is a theology scholar.”

“I’m pissed off is what I am! Do you go around drenching everyone who comes into your room with flame-retardant chemicals? No wonder you’re single.”


GOD

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PLAYED BY: Alanis Morissette
APPEARED IN: Dogma

Alanis Morissette’s portrayal of The Almighty in the film Dogma had a huge impact in the film, although her character didn’t really have anything to say.


 

 JAY

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PLAYED BY: Jason Mewes
APPEARED IN: Clerks, Mallrats, Chasing Amy, Dogma, Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back, Clerks II, Scream 3, Lucy You Love It

The filthy sidekick to the Smith’s Bob, is the fowl-mouthed Jay, played by the always great Jason Mewes, Smith’s real life best buddy.

MEMORABLE QUOTES:
“I feel like I’m Han Solo, and you’re Chewie, and she’s Ben Kenobi, and we’re in that fucked-up bar.”

“What you need is a fatty-boom-batty blunt! And I guarantee you’ll be seeing a sailboat, an ocean, and maybe even some of those big-tittied mermaids doing some of that lesbian shit! Look at me, look at me, you sloppy bitch!”

“I am the master of the C.L.I.T. Remember this fucking face. Whenever you see C.L.I.T., you’ll see this fucking face”

 

SILENT BOB

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PLAYED BY: Kevin Smith

APPEARED IN: Clerks, Mallrats, Chasing Amy, Dogma, Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back, Clerks II, Scream 3, Lucy You Love It

The creator, writer and director of the entire universe is easily most well known and recognized for playing the character Silent Bob, who doesn’t say much during the course of these films, but when he does, it usually makes a significant impact to the story.

MEMORABLE QUOTES:
“Adventure, Excitement, A Jedi craves not these things”

“You know, there’s a million fine looking women in the world, dude. But they don’t all bring you lasagna at work. Most of ’em just cheat on you.”

And then the entire Chasing Amy speech, check that out here

 

 

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